The Slow Day and the iPod
by Racing Capybaras
Summary: It's a slow day and Tony makes a very bad decision about how to alleviate his boredom...


**I wrote this story 3 months ago over three days while eating leftover Chinese food. It randomly popped into my head at one in the morning, so I'm going to apologize in advance for any spelling/grammatical errors. R&R.  
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**Disclaimer- Sadly, I do not own NCIS. Or the iPod.  
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It was a slow morning at NCIS and Special Agent Tony DiNozzo was bored out of his skull. By noon the team had still not caught a case. Eventually, Gibbs had disappeared under the guise of a going on a coffee run, leaving his agents behind to finish a massive amount of paperwork. That had been over forty minutes ago. It didn't look like he was going to be back any time soon. Then McGee had relocated to Abby's lab in the hopes of getting some work done- which was nearly impossible with Tony in the room, between the spitballs and the name-calling.

Tony had been watching the minute hand move around the clock in agonizingly slow circles for exactly twenty-six minutes. Anything was better than paperwork. With McGee gone, he no longer had any form of entertainment. He had tried talking to Ziva, but she was utterly absorbed in the music she was listening to on her iPod while finishing her paperwork. Either that or she had just not deigned to respond.

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. Four hours until he could leave and go home to the movie that was waiting for him on his coffee table. Tony groaned. Four hours was a long time. Especially with the amount of paperwork that he had to do.

Tony pushed himself out of his chair and moved to stand in the middle of the bullpen, looking around for a much-needed distraction. There was nothing. Sighing again, Tony decided to resort to his favorite pastime: messing with his co-workers things. Grinning, he started over to Gibbs's desk. He paused halfway there, rethinking what he was doing_. _There was a difference between being bored and being suicidal. Shuddering at his close shave with certain death, Tony quickly backtracked away from his boss's desk. Instead, he turned to McGee's. _Much better,_ he thought. _McProbie's stuff is always fun. _He kneeled down and began to look through the desk drawers.

Unfortunately for Tony, McGee had finally learned his lesson about personal items in the office. He had taken everything he thought that Tony might have fun with him to Abby's lab. Keeping things like his phone and wallet with him at all times was the only way to keep them safe from Tony.

Tony was horrified with McGee's forward thinking. _The day that you can't mess with the Probie is a sad day indeed._

Struck by a sudden flash of inspiration, Tony stood up and silently crept over to Ziva's desk. She was still sitting, tapping a foot to the beat of her music while she typed. She had not noticed Tony when he crept up to her desk, and continued to remain unaware until he reached down a ripped the ear buds out of her ears. "Now let's see what you're listening to Zee-vah", he said dragging out her name.

Ziva looked up from her paperwork to give Tony what could only be described as a death glare. "I suggest that you give that back, Tony," she said, "right now."

"Awwwww, is the wittle ninja afwaid of what I'm going to find on her iPod?" Tony said mockingly.

"No, I just would like to have it back."

"You forgot to say please." Tony said. Ziva glared at him again. "Fine, then. I'm not giving it back. You have to come get it." He said and turned to make his way back to his desk.

Tony made it two feet before he was tackled by a very angry Ziva, who looked ready to kill him. " I said to give it back to me _right now_." She repeated. "And I am not going to say please." Tony smiled cockily and held the iPod above her head.

"Or what?" Tony smirked. This was turning out to be the perfect distraction.

"Or…something," Ziva finished, stammering.

"Else, sweet-cheeks, else. It's or 'else'." Tony corrected, still holding the iPod just beyond Ziva's reach.

Ziva glared at him. Tony stood up and began to back towards his desk slowly. He wasn't willing to be killed just to avoid doing paperwork. "You know," Tony continued as he moved away from the angry Israeli, "you should really only use 'else' if there is an else. And since you said it so unconvincingly, I'm going to assume that there is no else. Which means that I'm safe."

Ziva glowered at him.

"Wow, you must have some pretty embarrassing stuff on here." Tony remarked, almost as an afterthought, as he glanced between Ziva's ferocious look and her tiny iPod. He looked back down to see her reaction. Much to Tony's surprise, Ziva had suddenly gone pale, and looked more terrified than murderous. "Well, here goes nothing," Tony said, and, for the first time, looked at the screen on the iPod to see what Ziva had been listening to.

Then something akin to the fabric of the space time continuum ripping open or Gibbs going a week without coffee happened.

Anthony DiNozzo was speechless.

It was only the fifth time in his entire life that this had happened. Tony groped wildly around the far corners of his brain for something to say. All that came out was a low whistle.

Then finally, "Really, Ziva? Fall Out Boy?"

Tony stared at Ziva in utter disbelief and continued to go through her iPod.

"Taylor Swift. Lady GaGa. Britney Spears. Paramore. And…Miley Cyrus?" He said in shock.

A low growl came from Ziva's direction.

Tony turned to face her and looked her up and down slowly in careful scrutiny. "How old _are_ you?" he asked incredulously. "Because by the looks of this playlist, I would have to guess that you were a 15-year-old girl."

"Well obviously not, DiNozzo," came Gibbs's voice as he strode over to them from the elevators, "the federal government tends to not give teenagers badges and guns."

"Very true, Boss" Tony replied.

Gibbs smirked and slapped the back of Tony's head as he walked to his desk.

Tony winced and loosened his grip on the iPod. In a flash, Ziva grabbed it back.

Gibbs watched the scene with a vague interest. "Practicing grand theft now, Tony?"

"No, Boss, of course not." Tony replied. "iPods are only two hundred dollars." Gibbs gave him a look. "It's just that Ziva's playlists…well, you should really see this for yourself."

Then, to Ziva's absolute horror (and Tony's absolute delight), Gibbs stood up, tossed his coffee in the trash, and took the newly-reclaimed iPod.

Gibbs frowned and looked down at the iPod. The tiny screen was black. "How do you get this thing to turn on?" He asked.

"Press any button on the click wheel." Tony answered gleefully. That's the little circular thing under the screen. It looks like a donut."

Gibbs followed Tony's instructions and pressed the menu button. The iPod came to life, with the screen still set under 'Artists', where Tony had left it. Gibbs's frown deepened as he began looking through the names. Coldplay, The Killers, P!nk-who were these people? He had never heard of any of them. In his opinion, everything on the iPod was crap. Except for The Rolling Stones. Gibbs was a big Stones fan.

Scowling, Gibbs tried to get back to the previous screen. Nothing happened. He began pushing random buttons. Still nothing.

"Need some help there, Boss?" Tony asked.

Gibbs shot him a look. "You think, DiNozzo?" He scathingly replied.

"Well, shaking it like that will not help." Ziva cut in, recovering from her state of mortification. "Here, let me-"

Ziva was cut off as a loud bang sounded. Gibbs had smashed the iPod against his desk.

Ziva sucked in her breath. Tony stared in a fish-like manner, his mouth gaping wide open in silence.

Gibbs took another look at the iPod. Something had finally happened. The screen had changed to one of a dark grey with what looked like a small apple in the center. It was difficult to tell through the spider-webbing cracks on the screen. He pressed another button. No change.

Gibbs huffed in frustration. This was why he didn't bother with technology. He dropped the iPod into the trashcan next to his desk, where it landed with a resounding plunk in his half-full coffee cup.

Gibbs looked up at his agents. Tony's face had changed from one of glee to one of absolute, paralyzing fear. Ziva appeared to be in shock, her face so grey that it looked almost ghostly. "What?" he asked. There was no response.

Sighing, Gibbs checked his watch. 1:16. It didn't look like they'd be catching a case today. He looked back up at his agents. Neither of them had moved from an inch.

"What?" Gibbs repeated to his dumbstruck agents. "It's the size of a dollar bill. It has to be easy to replace. No way is DiNozzo right about them costing two hundred dollars.

Ziva just stared at him, the color slowly returning to her face. As the seconds passed, it went from grey to white to a deep purplish-red. Tony, on the other hand, looked paler than ever, and was slowly inching his way backwards, towards the elevator.

Gibbs rolled his eyes. He had no idea why his two agents were making such a big deal out of this. "Here," he said to Ziva, reaching into his wallet and taking out a twenty dollar bill, "go get a new one. I'm going to go get more coffee."

And with that, Gibbs left.

Ziva remained rooted to the spot, the twenty still in her hands.

Tony couldn't help himself anymore. He began to laugh.

The sound brought Ziva out of her trance. She quickly closed the gap between them until they were standing chest to chest.

Tony swallowed nervously and began to move backwards in a desperate hope of escape. He ran into Ziva's desk. Trapped.

Ziva watched with a cold fascination. Tony finally looked into her eyes. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Ziva held up her index finger and put it over his mouth.

"Do not," she began, "say anything. Listen carefully." Tony's eyes stopped looking for an escape route and complied to Ziva's command. "You," she continued, "now owe me two hundred dollars, which I expect to be payed in total by the end of the day. If not, I will tell Gibbs and McGee all about the turkey…incident."

Tony's mouth dropped open. She couldn't seriously expect him to pay for the iPod that Gibbs had destroyed. And threatening him with the turkey incident was just plain mean. So mean that he didn't even think to correct her speech.

As if she knew that he was going to protest, Ziva spoke first. "I do not suggest arguing right now, Tony. Just go to the bank and bring me the money. Now."

Then she spun away from him and sat back down at her desk.

Tony groaned and strode over to his desk. He might was well do what she wanted- it was, by far, the safest route. Especially considering the amount of everyday office objects that could be used as weapons readily available.

Still, he had started this to avoid paperwork and have some fun. Now he still had to do all of his work _and_ pay Ziva two hundred dollars.

Sighing, Tony made his way towards the elevators. Right as he passed Ziva's desk she stuck her foot out in front of him. He fell flat on his face.

"What was that for!" He demanded.

Ziva smirked. That, Tony, was the 'else'. Now go get my money or 'else' will happen around more people. With video cameras."

Tony choked out a "Bye", and sprinted for the elevator, where he would be safe from Ziva.

"And Tony," Ziva called to him as he dashed into the elevator, "I have not forgotten about the turkey incident."

As the elevator doors closed, Tony leaned against the walls and moaned. It looked like he really should have just done that paperwork, after all.

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**Reviews are great. Feel free to leave a comment about any errors that need fixing.**


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